i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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