she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
