I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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