For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
