Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
