hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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