why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
