Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
