i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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