I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Panties = found
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
