god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
