The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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