Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
