I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
