I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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