Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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