margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
