Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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