i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just crazy horny about you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
