Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
