I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
