she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
