Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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