Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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