Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
