im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
