My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
