You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
