She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
