'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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