So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
