i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
