YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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