I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
