Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
