my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
