When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
