how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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