Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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