hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
