your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
