Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
