So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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