So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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