Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
