Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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