I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
