i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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