he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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