We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
