We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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