I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
