Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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